Overcoming hurdles

I cannot help but feel like I am in my element when the writing is flowing well. It can take a very long time for a project to get to this point, where all the pieces are starting to fit together, and the plot makes sense, the characters have dimension, the words are there. There are hurdles to overcome to get to this point; most of them have to do with resistance. 

I love writing, so why is there resistance? I've thought a lot about this. At first, the resistance was to the belief that writing for "fun" (as in, writing I enjoy reading, murder mysteries) had a purpose on the planet. That it could possibly have meaning, or that anyone would have any kind of need to read my writing, was the first hurdle to overcome.

The next hurdle came with believing in myself as a writer. This, it turns out, took years to overcome. Self-confidence depends, to some extent, on success, but when you've never published commercially, that self-confidence has to be built over time. Eventually, my love of the writing project itself simply took over, and I said, okay, whether or not this sells, I have to write it, because it is fun, and fun writing is okay. Entertaining writing (that is also educational) has its purpose too. 

I exonerated myself for not writing something "immortal" I suppose. 

And so now the world might get to see another historical murder mystery. There aren't really that many, so it's a small niche market. But I decided there's nothing wrong with providing entertainment. It has always been a hope of mine, ever since I read my first Agatha Christie at the age of 11 or so, to be a murder mystery writer, so what I'm really doing is fulfilling a dream I've always wanted to pursue, and since time is marching on, I thought I'd better do it!